Depression is a serious mental health condition that can affect anyone, but for some individuals, the signs of depression may not be immediately apparent to others. Covert depression, or “smiling depression,” is when someone hides feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness behind a facade of normalcy. It’s important to recognize the subtle signs of covert depression because the person may not openly seek help. In this article, we explore 11 surprising habits of people with covert depression that may leave you surprised.

1. Overfocusing on others
   Why it happens: People with covert depression may focus too much on others to distract themselves from their own pain. They often put the needs of others before their own, as a way to avoid facing their own struggles.

How it shows up: They may constantly offer advice, offer help, or be overly empathetic to others, even if they don’t feel supported in return.

2. Constant overachieving
   Why it happens: To distract from their inner turmoil, some people with covert depression push themselves to excel in their careers, academics, or hobbies. It may be an attempt to get external validation or to avoid addressing their emotional needs.

How it shows up: They work long hours, commit to projects too much, or set idealistic goals that leave them exhausted but seemingly successful.

3. Always appearing “fine”

Why it happens: People with covert depression often pretend to be “fine” because they fear being judged or misunderstood. This is especially true if they feel their sadness or pain is unjustified or they worry about burdening others.

How it shows up: Even when they feel bad, they will say they are fine and may pretend to be happy, smile, or laugh in social situations.

4. Difficulty expressing feelings

Why it happens: For people with covert depression, it can be difficult to express their true feelings because they feel ashamed or believe their feelings are too heavy for others to handle.

How it shows up: They may appear emotionally distant or withdrawn, and have difficulty opening up about their inner struggles, even with close friends and family.

5. Caring for others, but not themselves

Why it happens: People with covert depression often feel a sense of duty to care for others, but they neglect their own needs. They may feel guilty for asking for help or feel unworthy of care.

How it shows up: They may prioritize the well-being of others over their own, doing everything for others, but rarely taking the time to care for themselves or set boundaries.

6. Frequent mood swings

Why it happens: The internal struggle between pretending to be happy and feeling sad can cause mood swings. These mood swings are often subtle and not immediately apparent to those around them.

How it shows up: They may experience sudden emotional outbursts or periods of irritability for no apparent reason, leaving others confused about the reason for the changes.

7. Difficulty making decisions

Why it happens: Depression can lead to feelings of indecision and self-doubt. People with covert depression may feel overwhelmed by even the smallest choices because they are overwhelmed by negative thoughts and fear of making the wrong decision.
How it shows up: They may postpone decisions or avoid making choices altogether, often leaving important decisions in the hands of others.

8. Self-isolation
   Why it happens: People with covert depression may withdraw from social situations because they don’t feel like they can truly connect with others. They may also avoid events where they feel they need to pretend to be happy.
   How it shows up: While they may still appear to have an active social life, they may feel isolated or disconnected, often canceling plans at the last minute or finding reasons to be alone.
9. They over-apologize
   Why it happens: People with covert depression often feel like a burden to others, which can lead them to apologize for things they don’t need to apologize for. This habit is a way to cope with the internalized guilt and shame they feel.
   How it shows up: They constantly say “sorry” for things that don’t require an apology, even when they haven’t done anything wrong, due to feelings of inadequacy or self-blame.
10. They Hide Their True Feelings Behind Humor
    Why It Happens: Humor can be a defense mechanism for those with covert depression, helping them distract from their true feelings. They may use jokes or sarcasm to hide their pain.
    How It Shows Up: They often play down serious situations or use humor to avoid deep conversations, leading others to believe they don’t care when in fact, they’re hiding their struggles.
11. Chronic Physical Complaints
    Why It Happens: Depression often manifests itself physically, leading to symptoms like headaches, back pain, digestive issues, or fatigue. These physical ailments are often unexplained and are the result of emotional stress.